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Understanding the Presentation and Preservation of God's Word Parenthood as Taught in the Word of God God's Workings in Christian's Lives |
PARENTHOOD AS TAUGHT IN THE WORD OF GOD
I. THE EXAMPLE OF WISE PARENTHOOD II. AN EXAMPLE OF WEAKNESS IN PARENTHOOD Some Do's and Don'ts in Correcting Children
THEME: Parenthood as viewed from God's word. AIM: To educate, encourage, and challenge parents, potential parents, and all Christians in God's ways of child education. TEXT: Proverbs 22:6..."Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." INTRODUCTION: What is parenthood? Webster's dictionary defines parenthood as "the position, function, or standing role of the parent." Parenthood then deals with the parents role, duty, and authority in relation to their children. Our aim in this study is to clearly define, from scripture, just how parents are to function, why they should assume their responsibility, and what they are to do in the parenthood role that God has given them. Someone has suggested the following recipe for child rearing:
Our text verse is Proverbs 22:6. What does the term, train, mean? The International Bible Encyclopedia states, " This term is found only twice in all of scripture- in Genesis 14:14 and in Proverbs 22:6. It is defined as drilled, a military term which includes training. In the context of Proverbs 22:6, it means training which includes everything that pertains to the proper development of the child, especially in its moral and spiritual nature." Thus we see our desire in parenthood is to secure as well as drill scriptural truths into children in order that they might develop properly according to God's plan. From the scriptures we find God's instruction to parents concerning childrearing. What do we find in God's Word that will help parents in their quest for proper child development? I. THE EXAMPLE OF WISE PARENTHOOD Two men in the Old Testament were outstanding parents. We learn from their example on how to be a wise parent. A. The wise parent, Abraham. (Genesis 18:19) In this verse we find God's estimation of Abraham. God said: 1. I know him... God literally knew what Abraham would do to the end of his life. 2. Abraham would, by parental authority and example, command not only his children, but his household as well after him. 3. The reason he would command them after him would be that they might keep the way of the Lord. We find that in Abraham's household, children and servants were going to be subject to him and his ways. We also find that God could trust Abraham to accomplish his duty as a parent. As parents, we are to command (or prohibit from acting any other way) our children to live according to the way we want them to live. The Bible states that children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1). A wise parent will expect and teach his children to obey him in all things. B. The wise parent, Joshua. (Joshua 24:15) In this verse we see what kind of parent Joshua was. 1. Joshua was the one who made the decisions in his household. He spoke for his household as well as for himself. The parents need to be the ones who make the decisions in the home. The father makes the final decision. A wise parent will follow this example of Joshua. 2. There was no other alternative for Joshua when it came to his household. He stated that his household was going to live for God. Wise parents will not entertain any other purpose in life for themselves or their children. 3. Joshua as a parent had it settled in his mind whom he was going to serve. A wise parent is one who has this decision settled before the onslaught of life's problems confronts him. If parents desire to be wise then they should settle this question about whom they are going to serve. A parent should not expect their child to live for God if they do not live for Him. A survey taken by Teen Action Ministries revealed that parents were among the top six values that helped teenagers in making decisions that would guide them in life. A wise parent will realize that their life influences their child's life. Therefore, a wise parent will always want to be sure that they are living for God and that they set the best example as is humanly and spiritually possible for their child to emulate. As Christian parents it is easy to be concerned about other families and children whom we desire to see serve God. This is expected of us. We should be concerned with others, but one thing we must realize is that our first obligation is to our own children and family. Joshua had his priorities right. He was concerned about others and encouraged them to serve God but he did not neglect his family or his responsibility to them as a husband and father. Matthew Henry states, "Those that have the charge of many families, magistrates, and ministers must take special care of their own." May we as pastors, full-time Christian workers, Sunday School teachers, etc. never lose sight of this important truth. Matthew Henry stated that "...we must take special care of our own children." God help us to spend time with our children, giving special effort to be wise parents as were Abraham and Joshua. II. AN EXAMPLE OF WEAKNESS IN PARENTHOOD When the term weakness is used in this study, it describes that which is lacking in the parental instruction of a child. As Christians, God has given us examples from which to learn. These are found in His Holy Word. These examples are written for our benefit and spiritual understanding. Romans 15:4 states, "For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope." Two Old Testament examples pertaining to wise parenting have already been given. Another Old Testament example will be viewed, giving us an example of what weakness in parenthood is and what it might lead to in the lives of children and parents alike. A. Eli, a weak parent. (I Samuel 3:10-13) In these verses we find God's evaluation of the parenthood of Eli. 1. God said Eli lacked in restraining his children. 2. The Hebrew word for restrained is cah which has three definitions: a) to weaken- Eli as a parent did not weaken or cause his children to stop living apart from God's ways and his ways; b) to humble- Eli did not punish his children when they did wrong. Punishment is God's ordained way of humbling those who do wrong. God's Word says that children are to be corrected; c) to reduce to powerlessness- this definition means to strip one from duty and privileges. Eli did not remove his sons from the work of God they were doing. He continued to allow them to have the same privileges even after they had sinned. 3. As parents we must realize how important correction and discipline are in the training process of our children. God exhorts parents to chasten and correct children when they sin. The correction of wrongdoing is a deterrent to it. It also establishes and maintains parental authority over children, and Ephesians 6:1 states that children are to obey this authority. Please note the following verses concerning the correction and discipline of children: Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early or speedily). Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child; for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. (The Hebrew word for beatest is nawkaw which means to strike for the purpose of punishment.) Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Proverbs 29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight to thy soul. 4. Eli did not correct his sons. He failed in this area of child rearing and training. God said in I Samuel 3:13 that Eli know that his sons were doing wickedly, but that Eli failed to correct them. God help us to obey His word. B. Eli was corrected for his weakness. 1. God said He corrected Eli for not correcting his sons in I Samuel 3:13. 2. God said Eli's household would also be judged- his sons and Eli himself in I Samuel 3:12. 3. When parents fail to obey God, everybody in the family suffers because of it. That which was lacking in Eli's responsibility of parenting was the correction of his children. If this could happen to Eli, it can also happen to others. Eli was a priest. He had a special task for the Lord and he served the Lord faithfully, but when it came to the training of his sons, Eli failed to do so according to the word of God. May this Old Testament example of parental weakness serve as a stern warning to all Christians especially to those who are in full-time Christian service for the Lord. May God's people fulfill their obligation unto God and their children in this vital area of their lives. Also may God's people not be guilty of not restraining their children when they do wrong. In Luke chapter 2 we find a written account of Jesus during His childhood. In verse 52 there is an interesting fact about the Lord and His childhood development. The Bible says that the Lord increased in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men. The previous verse states that Jesus was subject to His earthly parents. Through His earthly parents He received His childhood training. His training was composed of three elements: spiritual, social, and physical training. So we see that wholeness in parenthood constitutes training or educating the whole child. A. The spiritual element- this, of course, involves the child's spiritual relationship with God. 1. The first and most important goal a parent should have for his child is his salvation; this should be the parents' desire. (see II Timothy 3:15) In reference to Timothy Paul states, "And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus." The holy scriptures are, of course, the Word of God. In Old Testament times God commanded that the children be taught the scriptures by the fathers. (Deuteronomy 6:3-15) Parents are to teach children about the Lord and He is to be the object of their love. The scriptures make a child aware of his need of salvation and give him his faith (Romans 10:17) needed to trust Christ as Saviour. (Ephesians 2:8,9) Relationship also deals with birth. It is the state of being related. Just as a child is born into a fleshly, earthly family he needs to be born into the family of God. (John 1:12; John 3:3-7; Galatians 4:4-7) Because of a Christian's faith in God, he is adopted into the family of God with same standing as an earthly family member. Children need to understand that their relationship with Christ is permanent. It cannot be changed- it is eternal. (see John 3:16;John 10:27-30; Romans 6:23b) Take notice of II Timothy 2:13. If we as Christians believe not, which means to live unfaithfully, God is still faithful to us. A child of God can never lose his salvation- God will always be his heavenly Father. 2. After a child knows his relationship with God is secure, he needs to be taught about his fellowship with God. Relationship deals with birth and fellowship deals with obedience and is the state of being in agreement. Fellowship, unlike relationship, is subject to change. For example: Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. Amos 3:3 For how can two walk together except they be agreed? I John 1:6,7 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth; but if we walk in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His son cleanseth us from all sin. A child needs to be taught that if he lives differently than what God desires he will not have God's blessings upon his life. (Romans 6:1,2; I Corinthians 5-11) That which God uses to provoke Christians to continually live for Him is His church. (Hebrews 10:24,25) The term translated, provoke, is paroxysms which means to stir up in an encouraging manner. Fellowship of Christians assembling together in God's church encourages one another. It is this that God uses to remind His children to walk (live) for His will. (I Thessalonians 4:1) A child needs to see, therefore, just how important church attendance is for his spiritual life. B. The social element- this training deals with the human relationships. God has much to say about His people's social lives. Sadly, too many Christians allow the television to educate their children about human relationships. This is not done on purpose in most cases, but, nevertheless, the facts are still true. The average child watches better than 30 hours of television per week. Also other people in the child's life, such as friends, etc., influence a child on his values about human relationship and interactions. 1. God states that all training should begin in the home. a.) The father is to assume the responsibility of teaching.(Deuteronomy 6:4-15; Ephesians 6:4) b.) In the absence of the father or his involvement, the mother or grandmother can do the instructing.- remember Suzanna Wesley made much over teaching the children. (II Timothy 1:5) 2. The following areas of human relationships need to be taught thoroughly: a.) Parental authority- (Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 6:1) The term obey in Ephesians 6:1 is the Greek word hoopakoo meaning attentive hearing, compliance, and obedience. It comes from the root term hoop, which means to put one's self under the authority of or obedience. It is also connected to the verb, akouw, meaning to hear in order to understand. In Psalm 119:34 David said, "Teach me understanding and I will keep thy law." No doubt the reason Christian children go astray from God is not because of understanding life. b.) Governmental authority- (Romans 13:1-7) Society has structured authority. Although those in authority often do not rule as God deems, the structure still remains operative. God's ordained government is designed to be a terror to evil and at the same time a servant of those who would do good. The main teaching of Romans 13 is that authority is to be respected. It is there seen as: 1) ordained of God- it is given by God and therefore it should be obeyed. (verse 1) 2) placed by God- just as pastors are placed over congregations by God, He also places authority figures over people. (verse 4) 3) ruling for God- ordained government is ruling for God and Christians are to obey them; governmental authority is to honored and the only time Christians are to refuse authority is when that authority is in direct contradiction to the Word of God. (verse 6) (see also Acts 5:28,29 and Proverbs 24:21a) C.) Pastoral authority- (Acts 20:28; Hebrews 13:17) These truths are to be taught to the children by the parents. 1.) pastors are appointed by Christ through the agency of the Holy Spirit; the Bible states that the Holy Spirit has made them overseers. 2.) pastors are laborers in the church (I Thessalonians 3:9) and laborers in the Word of God. (I Timothy 5:17) 3.) pastors are to be an example ; I Peter 5:3 says, "Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being examples to the flock." The term, example, is the Greek word topos which means a cast or model for the purpose of imitation. D.) employer's authority- (Ephesians6:5-8; Genesis 2:15) God intended for man to labor. Work has never been a curse, but many people believe that God cursed mankind by requiring him to work when in reality the curse was to be seen as toiling and laboring with difficulty. (Genesis3:17) God intends Christians to work for their employers as: 1.) unto Christ; it is the duty of a Christian to obey his boss. (Ephesians 6:5) 2.) as servants of Christ; Christians are to view their tasks as being done for Christ, not seeking the approval of the boss when he inspects it, but seeking the approval of Christ who always sees one's performance. (Ephesians 6:6) 3.) as a service unto Christ Himself; Christ desires that His people serve Him. His workers are to work with zeal and enthusiasm. They should call in when they will be absent or late and they should be on time. They are to be trustworthy as a Christian with character. So many Christians fail to recognize these aspects of the scriptures on this subject. (Ephesians 6:7,8) E.) Satan's authority- (Ephesians 6:10-18) Christian children are to realize that the Christian life is a life of conflict. The devil is a personal enemy and life is to be viewed as war, a war in which Satan desires to keep the Christian from living a victorious life of service for Christ and others. 1)The Christian must depend upon God's Word for victory and not the philosophy of man. The Liberty Bible Commentary states that, "When the church or the Christian uses the rottem sticks of culture, science theories, and traditions or the commands of man, then defeat is inevitable. God has promised to bless His word. (Isaiah 55:8-11) Our Lord used this powerful source in the wilderness and met the devil with, 2)"It is written..." (Matthew 4:4-10) The sword must be unsheathed; the Bible must not lay idle." 3.) Another vital area of the Christian's social life deals with the fellowship with unbelievers. Many Christians need to remember the principle laid down by God in the Old Testament in the book of Deuteronomy where in chapter 7 and verses 1 through 4 state that, " When the Lord thy God shall bring thee into land wither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, Gingashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebsusites, seven nations strong than thou; and when the Lord thy God shall deliver them from before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; Thou shalt make no covenant with them nor show mercy unto them; Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter shalt thou not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy sons from following Me that they may serve other gods; and so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you and destroy thee suddenly." a.) This Old Testament principle states that the people of the world will turn Christians away from serving God. The Hebrew term for following here is a military term. It signifies that the people of the world cause the Christian to follow its commander and not the Lord Jesus Christ. A prime example of this is given in Judges 14-16 where the story of Samson reveals the result of Samson falling in love with Delilah. She was not one of God's children and eventually turned Samson's heart from God. Also note Solomon's downfall in this area in I Kings 11:4-8. b.) In the New Testament God commands the Christian not to have fellowship with those of the world. II Corinthians 6:14-18 tells us not to be "...unequally yoked together with unbelievers..." Note that God says to "...come out from among them and be ye separate, saith the Lord." Also in Ephesians 5:11 He says that we are not to have fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather to reprove them. The term them refers, of course, to the unbeliever. So socially God desires that Christians get their fellowship from other Christians. (see Acts 2:42) c.) The physical element- the physical training of children is that which deals with the senses of the body. However, before this can be taught adequately, children should be taught ownership of their body. The world promotes a philosophy which teaches that people's rights are of utmost importance. For example, humanism, or secular humanism as it is sometimes called, is man's viewpoint on life. This viewpoint is contrary to the scriptures. Humanism teaches that the body is yours-do with it as you please; there is no right or wrong; how you act or react is dependent upon the situation. (hence the term situation ethics) These are just a few of the unscriptural teachings confronting Christians- young and old alike. The bible teaches that the Christian's body is the Lord's. I Corinthinians 6:19 says, "What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?". The bible also teaches that the Christian's body is to bring glory unto God. In the same chapter in verse 20, the Lord tells us that we are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. The physical aspect of training teaches the child to glorify God in and by the means concerning of his body. 1. The senses given of God are for the purpose of perceiving truth. Sadly, too many children perceive things not intended by God. This is where the dangers of childhood exist. Christian parents are to instruct their children as to what is truth and what is not. For example, notice Solomon's teaching in the book of Proverbs: 1:8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of thy mother. 1:10 My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not. 4:1,2 Hear, ye children the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. Solomon was engaged in child discipline and instruction. He covers almost every principle relating to the senses of the body, and parents need to do the same. Proverbial reading should be done regularly by both children and the parents. God's Word will keep the Christian from sinning against God. (see Psalm 119:11) 2. In God's Word we find that God would rather His people were simple concerning evil. (Romans 6:19) This is exactly what God desired for Adam and Eve. His word was designed to protect mankind from Satan's false philosophies. Children still need to be protected from evil, especially when it comes to the senses. a.) EYES: God desires that our eyes perceive the glory of God. Jesus said the eyes are just one of the channels of learning. Matthew 6:22a says that the light of the body is the eye. The psalmist said he desired God to open his eyes to behold God's Word..."Open thou mine eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law." Solomon taught that a fool's eyes look all about. Proverbs 17:24b says, " but the eyes of a fool are in the ends of the earth." He also taught that the eyes should look straight, centering in the ways of the Lord and deviating about. Proverbs 4:25 says, "Let thine eyes look straight on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee." Basically, the Christian's philosophy concerning the eyes should be as is stated in Psalm 101:3a: "I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes." b.) EARS: In the Bible the ears are of vast importance for receiving information. Jesus said several times..." he that hath ears to hear, let him hear." The psalmist said in Psalm 40:6 that God had opened his ear. Christians are to pay careful attention to what they "...lend an ear unto". Jesus said to beware of false prophets. This term means to hold back from hearing them and certainly this can apply to all that is wrong. c.) HANDS: Touching, of course, is done primarily with the hands. The idea of transmitting is the concept of touch found in the Bible. God says, for example, " Touch not the unclean thing." God does not want Christians to get near evil because they can easily become attached to it. God admonishes Christians to abstain from all appearance of evil. (I Thessalonians 5:22) d.) MOUTH: Perception by taste is that which is used in the Bible as experiencing or perceiving of truth. God states in Psalm 34:8a, "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good." In Colossians 2:21 Paul states that Christians are not to taste and embrace the philosophies that are not of Christ. Please note in Colossians 2:8 that these philosophies can spoil or corrupt the Christian. The Christian's perception of truth should come through God's Word. It has been said that if a Christian exposes himself to nothing but the truth of the Word of God that he will be able to pick out the wrongs of life as they are presented to him. e.) NOSE: In the Old Testament Isaac was deceived by putting his trust in the sense of smell by thinking Jacob was Esau. If an Old Testament giant like Isaac could be fooled by his sense of smell, surely the modern day Christian could be also. Even if we do not know exactly why it was so, the Lord mentions in the book of Leviticus how a man who was to be a priest from the tribe of Levi could not have a crooked nose: maybe he needed to have a good sense of smell to fulfill the office of the priesthood. God would have Christians to be obedient unto Him, living as He deems necessary. When the Christian obeys the Lord, it becomes as a sweet smell unto God. Do not trust in your own senses, but in God's Word. Either the Bible will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from the Bible. 3. The physical aspect of training includes many areas. It is said of Christ that He increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. Christian parents should have a goal of having the physical training of their children to be pleasing unto the Lord. Christian children should be taught to react like Joseph did when he was tempted sexually by Potiphar's wife. When tempted he responded with, "There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he (Potiphar) kept anything from me but thee, because thou art his wife; how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:9) It is obvious that Joseph was properly taught about holiness, purity, and morality. It should be noted too that Joseph did not commit the sin, but noticed it as sin and resisted it. Christian children today can do the same. May God help parents to properly train their children to stand against sin and to flee temptation. Parenthood is a responsibility. It needs to be viewed as such. God states that parents are to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The term of is a function word used to indicate origin. It must be nurture that is of God, God's love shown to children, His training about life. It must be God's admonition, His warmth, in reproving a child but not harshness, meanness, or cruelty. The admonition of God is always with love. The Liberty Bible Commentary states the following in reference to the nurture and admonition of children: "And, ye fathers. Mothers are included in this exhortation. Provoke not your children to wrath. The word provoke means to irritate, exasperate, rub the wrong way, or to incite. This is done by a wrong spirit and by wrong methods such as severity, unreasonableness, sternness, harshness, cruel demands, needless restrictions, and selfish insistence upon authority." Such provocation produces ad-verse reactions, a deadening of affection, dampers the desire for holiness, and makes the child feel as though he cannot please his parents. A wise parent seeks to make obedience desirable and attainable by love and gentleness. Parents must not be godless tyrants. Luther said, "Keep an apple by the rod to give the child when he does well." Discipline in general education and culture must be exercised with watchful care, constant training and admonition. Chastening, disciplining, and counsel by the Word of God, giving both reproof, and encouragement whenever needed. This should come from the Lord, learned in the school of Christian experience, and then administered by the parents. Christian discipline is needed to prevent children from growing up without reverence for God, respect for parental authority, knowledge of Christian standards, and habits of self-control. From what has been said, God has a prescribed way of child-rearing. Parents are encouraged to use God's ways. Certainly, God is love and if children are going to know His love, parents must show it to their children as they discipline and teach them. Paul tells Christians love will never fail. He reminds us that knowledge, faith, and hope are not the greatest of all attributes, but that love is. Love always satisfies and never fails. Some Do's and Don'ts in Correcting Children 1). Never discipline a child when you as a parent are angry. 2). Never tell a child what he/she should not do and you as a parent do it. 3). When using time out always tell child before time out why they are in time out. When time out is over ( length of time should be determined by age ) always ask child why they were in time out. Never physically pick up a child and place them in time out, this teaches the child that it is alright to use focus on their peer group. (Never place child in time out in a secure area like (a bed room). 4). Always without wavering make sure child understands rules. Without hesitation or bargaining carry out the pre-discussed consequences. 5). For every punishment there must be a time for love. When you correct your child after a period of time is past you need to show your child you love them; more then you correct them. Remember your sins when you were lost and or after receiving Christ? Jesus loved you so much that he died for your sins and there is nothing you can do to repay Him. Remember Jesus said it were better for a mill stone to be placed around a mans neck and cast into the depth of the sea ( Matthew 18:6 ). 6). When children see your frightened, troubled, anxious they to mimic your behavior. 7). It's a well known fact that children who act out in school or other places rely on what they have seen at home to do same. 8). Kindness breeds same as wrath and anger breeds hostility and depression. 9). At least every other day read your child a Bible story. Taking time to do this reaps rewards two ways. Quality time with child plus bringing up a child in the way he should go so that when they get older they will not depart. Also, Deut. 6:7. 10). Husband and wives need clear understanding of each other duties and responsibilities according to Eph. 5:21-33. Remember your interactions with each other is as to the obedience and meekness before our Lord Jesus Christ. |